Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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