I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
