I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
