i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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