Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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