never play flip cup with pint glasses
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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