if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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