Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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