i always forget guys have bellybuttons
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize