you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
