Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
