is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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