I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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