i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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