I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
