You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
