I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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