Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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