I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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