Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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