so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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