Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
