I think I died a long time ago.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
