So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
