jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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