So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
