i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
