So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize