This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
