I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
