I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
