I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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