respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
