Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Randomize
