Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
