You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You did what with his pubic hair?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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