someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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