My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
