You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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