I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize