Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
