I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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