The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
