No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
