I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
