i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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