he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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