Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
