I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
