He kissed a someone with a penis
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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