There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
