That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want a musical about memes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
