She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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