I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
