He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
