There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
