Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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