My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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