I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
