I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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