she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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