Yo dont text me then not text me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
