quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize