is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
