sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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