these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
