remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
