Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
birth control should be required to get into college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
