Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
