drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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