'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
