Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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