Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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