She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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