Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
did you just send me my own nude
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
